Complicated
by ThePointe
Summary: I wish you all the love in the world, but most of all, I wish it from myself. Or Amanda and Nick have a decision to make. Contest inside! Reviews make me write faster!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: ION**

****Please read A/N at the bottom!****

"Hello. We are NY Florist, turning your dreams into masterpieces. You tell us the occasion, we make it special" A bored teenager recited. After her little speech she stole a look at her phone.

"Is there a Miss Amanda present? Miss Rollins?"

"That's me." The southern detective said, slightly confused. She didn't order something did she? "I think you have the wrong person."

The teenager handed her a card that proclaimed Somebody loves you! in cursive script on a pretty lace embroidered card and a long rectangular box with a champagne bow.

"Oh, this is sweet. But I swear that's not mine." Amanda said.

"Yes, it is. It says Amanda Rollins on the card. And we have a 100% satisfaction rate, so if it says Amanda, then it's for Amanda." the frustrated girl said, thrusting the box at her.

By now, this display had caught the attention of most of the people in the bullpen, even Olivia herself peeked out of her office to watch the display. Thanking the annoyed delivery girl, Amanda hesitantly opened the box, letting the bow slip to the ground, forgotten. The sight in the box almost took her breath away. On a bed of crushed, perfumed rose petals lay a intricate silver bracelet adorned with glass beadwork. The intricate silver and glass design formed aching daisy chain bracelet. She carefully pinched one end and held it to the light, as if to confirm it's existence.

Admiring the piece of jewelry, Olivia asked,"Who gave it to you?" The sergeant's head was already swimming with speculations. A boyfriend? The gift was much too nice to be seen on a platonic friendship level. Maybe a parent? Perhaps the woman had a secret admirer?Bewildered, the detective answered that she didn't know. She grabbed the card, searching for a clue.

Amanda Rollins, the card said in a messy scrawl.

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue,

I know you hate flowers,

So here's some jewelry for you!

"Does it say who it's from?" The sergeant asked.

"No" Munch answered "Just a corny, badly written poem"

Amanda rolled her eyes. Maybe the poem was on the corny side, but it was cute. The poem did give her a good guess to who it was. Nick. No one else knew how much she hated flowers, plus the corny poem seemed like something he would write.

* * *

Meanwhile Nick was at home, or rather Amanda's place. He sat on the couch, still in his work clothes from his early shift, not even bothered enough to change. He decided that it would be sweet to surprise Amanda by waiting at her apartment, and also he didn't feel like driving all the way to his house.

Suddenly Amanda entered her apartment, placing her gun and badge on the kitchen island.

"Hey!" Nick said "How was your day? Probably pretty good because you seem extra smiley…."he trailed off when she advanced towards him with _that _look. He knew what _that _look probably wasn't in the mood for small talk. Instead she sat on his lap, kissing him fiercely. This was shaping up to be a great night.

* * *

He woke up, a few hours later on her bed after Amanda had thoroughly tired him out. He found a note and a plate of cookies on the night table. He pulled on a pair of his boxers and grabbed the note. The note read,Thanks for today, in Amanda's small, neat handwriting. He racked his brain thinking about anything sweet or nice he did in the past few days. He must of been doing something right after two rounds like that and the cookies. He grabbed a cookies and decides to surprise her in the kitchen. She is washing a mixing bowl. He sneaks up behind her and wraps her in his arms, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"Hi" she whispered cutely leaning back into his arms.

"Hi" he said back "I love seeing you wear my shirt." Should he ask about her mood or…Yeah he should probably just go with it, who knows when she will be in such a good mood not not enjoy it.

"I love wearing it, and nothing else" she said flirtatiously whispering in last part in his ear pressing a quick kiss to his check. He let his arms linger around her waist until jokingly spinning her around to continue washing the plates.

"Did you get a new bracelet?" He asked. He might as well bank some good will, because he was probably going to piss her off in the near future. And being attentive couldn't hurt,right? Oh he was wrong, so very wrong. "It's nice."

"Wait" she wriggled out of his grasp. "I thought you got it for me, to surprise me at work."

A teeny, tiny wicked part of him wanted to claim credit and reap the rewards but he decided to be honest. And he realized that she when she found out, she'd get angry. Well angrier. She turned around, so she was facing him furrowed her brows.

"I didn't get you any jewelry" He came clean. "I didn't even know you got anything until a few minutes ago."

"So who gave it to me?" She was seriously confused. Who else would buy her jewelry like that?

Who was this random guy sending his girlfriend jewelry? Okay girlfriend was a bit of a stretch but suddenly the idea of Amanda seeing some guy made him feel oddly outraged and offended. He knew it was in no way rational or fair but that did not stop him from feeling it. Take deep breaths he thought to himself. Focus somewhere else.

"Are you sleeping with someone else?" The second he said those words he could feel himself regretting the words the moment they slipped out. Dammit.

"What are you implying?" She went from confusion to indignant in a second. "That I'm the kind of girl who is always with a different guy? Coming from the guy who is still married, at least on paper? You mean much more to me that." Weirdly enough, instead of looking angry or hitting him her eyes filled with tears; like he had hurt her just by having that assumption. "I think you should go" She turned on her heel and slammed her bedroom door behind her.

Of course he had to mess that up. He excelled at that, killing moods and ruining moments. He dressed in his clothes and left quietly closing the door behind him, accidentally leaving his phone on her kitchen island.

She sat on her bed, hugging her pillow close,trying to stave off the tears that threatened to fall. She felt like a idiot. Nick obviously didn't think of her in that way. Sure, he probably thought that she was a nice lay and okay to have around, but he thought that she was just some skank who bedded every guy she could. All of her attempts to stop from crying were in vain, because soon she was full fledged crying. Her black iPhone ringed on her bed, pushed under the sheets from the earlier tryst.

"Hello?" she answered, hoping her crying wasn't to obvious for the person on the other end. No such luck.

"Mandy" the guy said in his charming Brooklyn accent "Are you okay?" Joe Dumas. He was actually surprisingly sweet. They had become fast friends so after the Romani case and around the 1-6 it was a joke that they were in a relationship. Amanda suspected that he might harbor a few feelings for her, and Fin always seemed to try and talk up his old partner every chance he could.

"Yeah," she sniffled "I had a really shitty day at work"

"Aww, that stinks" Amanda swore she could hear a slight tinge of disappointment cloud the Narcotics detectives voice. It seemed so sweet that her having a bad day, would affect him to the point he felt sad for her. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"As you know, the police ball is coming up. And I'm single, you're single, and maybe you could be my date. I mean if you want to. You don't have to want to. I mean but I would really like it if you did." He swallowed nervously, this side of him radically different than the smooth, suave detective who flirted with her during the Romani case. "Want to, I mean"

"Joe, this is incredibly sweet. I don't know what to say..."

"Oh, it's fine. Keep the bracelet though. I thought would look fantastic on you. Did you like it?"

"I love really shouldn't have; I can't believe you got me something so pretty."

"Not half as beautiful as the owner."

"Stop it." She blushed, feeling terrible for out rightly rejecting him."It's not that I wouldn't love to be your date! I would but honestly, I have so much shit to deal with, and I'm a hot mess"-

He interrupted her "But you are a hot hot mess"

"That was super corny, Joe. But anyway, I'm not saying no, just give me a few days to think about it. See you soon?

"Sure" Joe said anxiously. What would she say?

**A/N:What do you think? I swear to God I was planning on this story being much funnier, as you will see in later chapters. Think How I Met Your Mother funny. For some of the plot events, that show actually inspired me, so if you are a fan, you might recognize a line or a plot event. Actually I am inspired by sitcoms like Modern Family, New Girl, Melissa and Joey and more, for my writing, so as a cute game I'm doing, if you recognize a plot event and you review, if you are interested I will let you pick a secondary ship or create a OC or plot event and I will give you a s/o for one of your stories. I will probably respond to most questions reviewers ask, and most reviews in the story so review!. Please feel more than free to put constructive criticism on anything you noticed, it's what makes me better. Bye and thanks**


	2. Chapter 2: Carrying your Feelings

**A/N: Sorry for the wait guys! Thanks for the sweet comments, they motivate me! **

**I love all of the lovely reviews and reviewers, and I really appreciate them! They make my day. Should I continue? A Lot of this chapter is Maria/ Nick angst, setting the scene for the future. **

**to Alison Sophie and The Guest:I think you might enjoy this angst that's coming up! Slightly out of left field**

Chapter 2 : I will carry all your feelings

**Early Morning**

Maria was an enigma to him now. It's strange, he realized they were married for about 9 or so years and he couldn't tell you how she liked her coffee. She probably didn't know what type of music he liked. He could blame her, but in all honesty he was just as much to blame as her. But he was trying now, doesn't that matter? Maria sits across from him idly staring out of the cafe window, her black nails idly tapping on the metal table. Has she always been this intimidating? Imposing? He remembers a time when he felt something resembling love for her, a time when he fell for her but that seems like a distant memory. What even drew him towards her? What was it? It frightens him that he can't even remember the initial cause magic.

"So…"she says jokingly doing that annoying nail tap thing. God that is annoying.

"So" he responds. He should probably like call her beautiful or something, be halfway romantic. When did all of that stop coming naturally to him? "You look nice."

"Thanks." She half smiles and swings her foot. "I need to talk to you, Nick"

About? Was it something serious? She moved with her daughter across the country, she divorced him, what other news does she have?

She swallows and he could tell that whatever it is, it's difficult to talk about.

"I'm sorry" He wasn't expecting that. They yelled, they ignored each other but they never actually apologized. That was probably a huge part of the end of their marriage.

"After everything that was going on with me, it was all too much, and maybe I was being too hasty-"

"It's not all you." He interrupted her "I have some of the blame, actually most of it."

She waved off her comment impatiently. "So anyway, I realized that we are being selfish. We have a daughter, and the last thing I want for her is to not have a father. I want to actually start again, go back to the old times."

Was that even possible, to turn back the clock? When were those times he loved her? He remembered that there must of been happiness in there, somewhere or they wouldn't have continued, but when were they happy? How did they do it? He realized that they were different people, eons away from the twenty-somethings who fell in love. But the point of marriage was to grow together, and it seemed like they did the opposite. Did he want the old Maria back? Of course, but these last months made him realize that the Maria that he fell in love with, the one that he proposed with did not exist any more. That lovely women was extinct, only kept alive in memories and dreams. He half way suspected that she might feel the same way. He was in no sense, the dashing casanova she dated years ago, real life experiences changed that. Recently, he even was beginning to feel that he didn't even want her back, that they weren't compatible anymore. But he shoved that aside, that couldn't be true. His thoughts shifted to Amanda, now that was different. With her, the slight romance that seemed to develop out of thin air was reminiscent of his earlier times of Maria, but if he had learnt anything, it would be not to chase a feeling. He liked being with his southern blonde coworker, and their relationship was going great albeit her outburst at him a few days ago. But he had a daughter to think about. As much as he loved being with her, did he want to leave the legacy of divorce behind for his daughter, especially when Maria was giving a way out, to correct this mess.

He grabbed Maria's hands, and tried. Tried to feel the way he felt all those years ago. Tried to remember the romance, the infatuation he felt all those years ago.

"Do you want to go to the NYPD ball with me?" He asked, smiling. He could make this work, for Zara.

_**Don't you know your secret's safe with me**_

_**All your worries can be put to, can be put to sleep**_

**Amanda heard **him knock at her door, at around five, she looked down realizing she wasn't exactly dresses to receive visitors, wearing a loose APD tshirt and soffe shorts. She quickly tried to take her hair down from her lazy messy bun and had it looking slightly presentable. She opened the door, not surprised to see Nick. She felt so awkward. Should she apologize for her crying jag, earlier?

**He wanted **to tell her about Maria, she deserved to know but she looked so vulnerable, in her shorts and shirt that made her look younger than her thirty years. Suddenly he couldn't bear even the idea of upsetting her.

"I'm sorry" He apologized

"Don't apologize, you didn't do anything" She wasn't mad at him, she felt she was being a little overly sensitive and had already moved past it. She opened the door even wider. "Come in"

**The funny **thing is, Amanda was so much easier than Maria. He let his guard down, and felt actually able to chill. There was no subtext, no awkwardness, or years of built up arguments/stress/secrets. It was just...good, and bringing up Maria would ruin that. That was what she told herself. They were watching trashy reality tv shows, occasionally stealing kisses, and messing around.

"So that ball thing…" Amanda said trying, and failing to bring it up organically. She hid her face in her drink, trying to hide her blushing cheeks.

"I can't wait to see you there.I bet you'll look fantastic." He tries to get off that topic. He knew that if he was a halfway decent guy, he'd take her, or at least tell the truth about him and Maria. But he wasn't. He was an asshole for not taking her, and an even bigger one for not explaining. Jerk.

She smiles, doing the whole looking under her bangs thing and blushing and he had to kiss her. He just had to. How could he hurt that face?

**While he left to **quickly use the bathroom, she can't help but let out a little excited squeal. But her thoughts quickly turned to Joe. She texted him, _I'm sorry, There is someone else _and felt extremely bad for the quick dismissal. He texted back in 5 seconds, simply _Don't worry about it. I'll see you there._ She felt bad, but it was Nick. She hoped she didn't hurt Joe.

**Guilt consumed **him. Sure he had fun with Amanda, felt better than he had in years but he made a commitment. He had to stick it through.

**A/N: Nick you jerk! The big blowout is coming in the next chapter. If you can guess the song that this is from, you can make a OC! First come, first served and reviews make me write faster! PLEASE GIVE ME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!**


	3. Chapter 3

_To every man his dulcinea _

**A/N: *Crawls out from under rock and chuckles anxiously* Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't been updating, I'm a junior in highschool plus I have dance, a job, forensics, community service, and I'm the leader of a club at school, so as you can see I'm hella busy. But, if I get a lot of reviews, I will update faster, so if you want to see more click that button. If not, I'll just stop. I really, really want actual suggestions about plot events and constructive criticism about things such as believability, characterization, grammar. and any other writing skills so please please please put in constructive criticism!Nothing to do with the episode tonight. **

**ION**

**You'd **expect after a couple of years, it'd get easier. The crimes, less heart wrenching; the grisly crime scenes more bearable but nothing of the sort actually happened at least not for Amanda. Instead she is shocked at the human capacity to become crueler and crueler, to reach new heights (or rather lows) of depravity. Such the case of the "Tinder-Killer". Deemed so because of his particularly evil way of capturing his victims. First, he would of course link up with his victims on Tinder. The usage of Tinder did not strike the detectives as especially innovative. Ever since it's inception, Tinder was used as a site for creeps to capture prey using fake aliases. What seemed novel about this criminal was using his advanced IT knowledge, he hacked into the system to find any person who "rejected" him, find them,stalk them, then rape and rob them. Another odd thing that set him apart, the criminal did not discriminate by gender, race, orientation, religion, or anything else. His victims looked as diverse as a New York City subway ride. Literally nothing tied them together, save for location and having a Tinder. His latest victim was eighteen year old Mia MacRobertson, a freshman at Fordham University in the city.

The only hallmark of this criminal was his distinctive and unique way of attacking his victims. On her stomach there was "NO" burnt horizontally across her stomach and four cuts surrounded the word, all measured a precise 2 inches apart. Gory burns littered the back of her legs. What stood out about Mia, was thankfully despite the injuries, she was still alive. Mia remembered little from her captor, save for his eyes which looked a sickening orange presumably due to cheap contacts. Benson was working the squad extra hard, lengthening shifts and requesting overtime, demanding ideas and interviews from her detectives. Every lead, no matter how apparently pointless or repetitive was searched with the most absolute scrutiny and caution. Connections between the victims no matter tenuous or random was investigated but,much headway was not made. Nothing was found, other than the usage of the tinder app. His first victim was Harrison Clinton, a 25 year old African American nightclub promoter from Upper West side. His house was ransacked, car was jacked and he was brutally attacked in same way Mia was, unfortunately he didn't make it through. Rhea Goldblum was the second victim, a newly divorced thirty five year old kickboxing instructor from West Orange who owned a studio in South Bronx and was found dead in her administrative office. Marie Chevalier was the third, a lively Parisian socialite who had a distant relation to French Royalty and danced on broadway. She lived, but was in the hospital due to a serious concussion sustained from the was seemingly no connection.

**The **New York Policeman's ball was the premier (actually only) gala for New York's police force. It wasn't exactly interesting, dubbed as suckier version prom with long boring speeches and more alcohol. The precincts with the highest conviction rates and closure rates were invited, and it was a huge honor to be honor proved a testament to Olivia and her squads dedication and Barba's courtroom prowess because rarely a squad with such a small amount of detectives and a Sergeant with her amount experience would get recognized, let alone awarded. The Ball had everyone in the precinct buzzing with a excitement, a welcome reprieve from the difficult case. Everyone except Nick, that is. The guilt was eating him alive. Everytime he and Amanda had some time alone out of work, (which with this case was few and far between) he couldn't tell her, always making up some weak rationalization. When they hung out on monday, he accidently spilled scotch on her white couch. Why ruin her night more? The next night,when he was dropping her off at home, she dropped her phone on his lap which of course

**Today** (friday) he felt so bad about hiding the Maria thing from her so he was taking her shopping, which he joked was a cruel and unusual , she wasn't as bad as Maria who dragged him unwillingly through store after store, first for clothes for herself and later on as Zara grew, for his daughter. Their shopping trips always felt hellish, ending with a huge fight about how much money should be spent at Nordstrom or were expensive Hunter rain boots really necessary for a six year old? Or that guy at Victoria Secret who seemed _too _eager to size her up and the perfume girl at Macy's who seemed more excited than necessary to have him sample Calvin Klein's new cologne. For one, the jealousy and the constant checking up on each other that eroded his relationship with Maria had dialed down. It wasn't that he didn't notice the barista at starbucks checking Amanda out instead of her mocha but he felt that he gained a new sense of maturity (and they weren't technically official anyway, so he had no right to anger). Amanda stopped at a boutique, dragging him in by his arm.

"One more store" She promises fake pouting.

"You said that four stores ago" He jokes.

That's when _**it **_happened. Many people say you don't know when you fall in love. That is just happens, your body and soul are slowly hijacked by pheromones and lust; love is a gradual fatality. But no, it happened, in one instant. One minute he was there, in control fully aware of his actions and intentions. He knew what he wanted or he thought he did. But now? It all felt wrong, that all of his plans were for another Nick, before now, before this and now all those plans? They meant nothing. They were for a different Nick. He was swept up in the moment. All he wanted to see, all he needed to see was her. For that minute, he felt her so much it physically hurt, that in that moment, he couldn't express it. The words didn't exist anymore.

However if he said that this was a completely new feeling, that would be a total lie. He's felt it before. The feeling of being totally swept up by romance 12th grade, his high school girlfriend senior prom. The result? They stayed together since freshman year of highschool until freshman year of college when he found out she was cheating his football teammate and roommate. The kicker was they went to the same school Florida International University, lived on the same dorm floor. The second and third times happened with Cynthia and Maria respectively. With Cynthia it was after he completed the first operation for her brother and afterward, she came to him cleaned his wounds and kissed him. It was all very a la Tony and Maria, West Side Story without the music and the racism. Third time was at the birth of his daughter in the hospital room, the all consuming love he as a father felt for both mother and daughter. Guess which was the only one that still lasted.

This is why, when it all hit, instead of being swept up with amor, he felt wary. Love to him, as beautiful it was, as lively and young it made him feel, it came with expectations. Ones that he felt he was not fully able to live up to. He knew, of course he felt something for her. That was evident. Exactly what it was he was not certain. He knew every time she smiled at him, or he made her happy, something happened. A sweet bubbly feeling, and ethereal pride and sense of accomplishment that someway somehow he made her day better. That much was obvious. He thought she was beautiful, in a way that went beyond the purely physical admiration of stars in the magazines and television. Not just her looks, but every time she did something for a victim, or saw the way she could feel so much for others, he felt himself fall for her a bit more. Not to say he didn't realize her faults. She could be biting, and always seemed to know which low blows to deal to leave someone feeling incapacitated. She could be unpolished and even immature sometimes, entirely too trusting to those who didn't deserve it ,while not trusting enough to those who did deserve it. In fact, her complication was part of the reason he fell for her. Of course all these thoughts, he never really voiced them out loud, or directly thought about it, it was all playing out in his subconscious.

All of this is how he ends up picking her up bridal style and pressing kisses like prayers on her spine, trying to transmit his deep admiration for her, because he couldn't fully tell her.

"**Wow," **Carisi articulates eloquently referring to her outfit for the ball. "You actually look really sexy today." He quickly and awkwardly tries to cover up his comment which he realizes is completely inappropriate to say to a female work colleague. "I mean your dress is really,tight"

She rolls her eyes at him but suddenly feels self-conscious. She never was the type to dress overly cutesy or stylish to work, the extreme activity of her job plus the disgusting perps didn't allow for that. Sometimes, she likes the girly feeling of dressing up and wearing jewelry, and wishes she had a regular office job so she could. For the ball, she used it as her once chance to wear something fancy, considering she always is at work and doesn't go out a lot. She wore a red cap sleeved gown, with a deep v The dress was matched with nude heels that elongated her already long legs and a high slit showed them off.

"The more you talk, the worse it sounds", Fin jokes to Carisi "Rollins, you look nice." He pulls her aside conspiratorily.

**Fin **really loved his partner. Not in a romantic or sexual way, but more like a sister or a female best friend. He knew partner didn't have the best track record in relationships, and honestly, wondered if she just had terrible taste in guys. Enter Joe. Joe worked with him in Narcotics and after the Romani case, Joe developed a crush of legendary proportions on Amanda obvious to everyone but Amanda herself. She was a brilliant detective, but when it came to matters of the heart, she was dumb, to put it bluntly. He was forever dropping paperwork for friends or meddle but he wanted to help Amanda, and Joe was the definition of a good guy.

"What?" Amanda asks threading her fingers through her beachy curls.

"So, Joe is here tonight" he says casually trying to gauge her reaction.

"And?" She says not really listening to him, stopping to grab an appetizers off the nearest waitress' plate.

Fin rolls his eyes. Did he have to come out and say it? And guys were the dense ones. Right.

"He likes you.A lot. "

She choked on her food. "Wait, what?"

Joe Dumas liked her? That...actually made a huge amount of sense. The bracelet, him asking her out. She felt dumb, she honestly thought he was just joking.

Fin continued talking to her, not noticing her loss of focus. For all she knew, he could have been talking about anything from senate midterm elections to Keeping Up with The Kardashians. What had her attention was Nick. He looked handsome in a black tuxedo, but it wasn't what he was wearing but the woman on his arm, in a strapless purple dress. And from the looks of it, they were so in love. Maria clung of his arm, occasionally whispering comments and giggling about the other ball attendants, that seemed to make him laugh. If she was closer, maybe she would've saw Nick's worried, and apologetic grin or Maria's giggles were too forced, too fake. Maria's nails digging into his muscular arms, as if he would leave the second she let go. But Amanda didn't notice those things. She was caught up on the wife, the smiles, the ring She saw smiles and laughter but didn't perceive the truth, a decimated marriage beyond could already feel tears prick behind her eyes and her throat close up. She excuses herself and sits on a wooden bench outside the bathroom, away from the rest of the ball goers, where she feels fully able to let herself cry.


End file.
